This is spoof site. None of these reviews are real. We've never tasted any of these wines.

In fact, your reviewer is a computer program.

All the reviews on this site are completely random — generated by a computer program using the same logic as the Mad Libs games we used to play as kids. All of the adjectives, nouns, flavors, etc. come from real wine reviews, but the program plugs them together completely randomly.

We don't know the difference between hints, undertones, and layers. We certainly don't understand the complexities of wine and we couldn't find a wine's frame with both hands. We can only imagine why anyone would drink a wine that tastes like black pepper, much less saddle leather, horse stable, lead-pencil, or petrol. God knows we wouldn't want it to linger for any length of time.

But some real reviewer used those very words to describe a real wine.

Thus Cristin and Kelly's Wine Reviews came to be: real wine reviews sounded so absurd to us, we set out to see if we could write a program capable of spewing the same pretentious nonsense you see printed in sophisticated wine magazines. It isn't perfect, in fact you have probably already noticed some repetition in the reviews, but give us time: we may not have million monkeys working on it, but then again we aren't exactly trying to produce the complete works of Shakespeare either. One day we'll get there.

In any event, we'll never be able to take a real wine review seriously again.

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